Well, here I am again. Which may be a funny way to begin a blog. The again part. But here’s the thing – when my husband of twenty-and-a-half years was just too sick to write his own blog on his caringbridge site, I started doing it for him. It was helpful for other people, because it kept people up-to-date on what was going on with him, but I found out that it was also therapeutic for me. Writing helped. A lot. And now that he’s died, and it’s been a little over a month, I find that I am missing the daily exercise. So here I am. A bit selfish, perhaps? But I’ll give you what I’ve got.
Hence, The Widow’s Mite. If you’re not familiar with the story, check out the gospel of Mark 12:41-44 or Luke 21:1-4. Don’t get too hung up on the analogy – my main point is really just this – what I have, I’ll give to you, but I’m not promising a lot.
So this is my blog. The widow’s blog. I was complaining earlier that I’m having trouble finding things and concentrating. I’m trying to wade through all the things I have to do since my husband’s death – life insurance, pension things, executing the will. A friend, also a widow, told me that she remembered what these early days were like, and that someone had once told her it was called “the widow’s fog.” Foggy is so right.
I find I often can’t concentrate. I take more wrong turns now. I can’t remember how to get places. I can’t find words. I mean I seriously can’t find words. I really just had to google “what is it called when you say one thing to illustrate another” in order to find analogy just now. Analogy. Really.
I know this will pass. Probably. Ah, patience. Not my greatest attribute.
So I don’t have a lot of energy. I have a lot of stuff to do. Slow and steady. On my way through several lock boxes today (I discovered, btw, that it is possible to have too many lock boxes), I found more old pictures of my husband’s, his old slide-rule (for those of you who don’t know what a slide-rule is, its what people used before calculators. In the stone age), papers of his from the Air Force Academy, and lots of his Air Force patches and medals. Unexpected treasures. There are some benefits to disorganization.