Hot Flashes!

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?  Lately, it turns out, it’s just me.  Oh my.  These things are…hot.  It’s giving a whole new dimension to “I’m so hot.”

I know tomorrow is Veterans Day. I preached about that today, and I don’t want to repeat my sermon here, so I’m just going to talk about hot flashes. I mean, I have much gratitude and respect for our veterans. I do. But I have to tell you, right now, I’m just a bit consumed, and actually, also a little bit fascinated, with this phenomenon.

I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t share this with you. After all, my menstrual cycle is really none of your business. On the other hand, it’s a little like poop.  I mean, we know everyone does it. We don’t talk about it. But it happens. Well, we know women menstruate. And then eventually they stop. Well, I’m 51. I’ve been waiting for this. Not the hot flashes, mind you, just the menopause.

I’ve been waiting because of the migraines. I’ve been getting migraines since i was eight years old.  They suck. They suck rotten eggs. There was a period in my life when I was getting three to four migraines a week and visiting emergency rooms on average once a week.  I could barely function.  Now, that was a while ago, thank heavens, and I’ve got them much more under control now, but I still get them.  And they’ve been linked very closely to my cycle for a long time.  So I’ve been hoping that, once I’ve gone through menopause, I wouldn’t get migraines anymore, or at least I’d get very few.  I remain hopeful.

So where was I? Oh yeah. These hot flashes. They are REALLY hot. I mean like, I’m cold, really cold, and then suddenly, I’m HOT. Like when I was pregnant hot. Which makes sense. Same hormones. I’m hot all over, and everyone else is looking perfectly comfortable in their sweaters, and I’m thinking, “how can you just sit there in a sweater, it’s so HOT!?” And then I remember that it’s just me.  And then in a minute or two, or sometimes maybe five, it’s gone. And I might even be chilly again.

I’ve also noticed that it’s November. So I’m wondering if I would have preferred this in the summer, when I was already dressed for hot weather, and when the air conditioning was on. Because now, I wake up, and I look at the weather forecast, and I dress appropriately, and then I’m roasting.

In the cold weather, I wish I could make them come on when I need them.  LIke when I have to get out of bed in the morning.  I’d like to have a hot flash right when I have to get up.  That way I wouldn’t mind.  I hate getting out of bed when it’s cold.  But I can’t will them.  They come when they come.

AHA! But I think I have this thing figured out. So thank you, Girl Scouts.  The Girl Scouts taught me to be prepared (yes, I know, that’s the Boy Scouts’ motto, but they don’t corner the market on that), and to dress in layers. Layers! I can do that! Yes! I can wear short sleeves in November with a sweater or something.  And then be the weird person who’s suddenly peeling everything off for no reason.

So yesterday I had to go out and buy a blouse. I did, because I knew I wanted to wear a particular suit to church today. I usually just wear a camisole under this suit, but it occurred to me that I might need to take my jacket off at some point, and I’d need a blouse. I have a hard time buying blouses because I, um, I’m very well-endowed, and blouse manufacturers don’t usually account for that.  That’s why I don’t have more blouses.  But anyway, that’s a tangent. So I was all prepared. With layers.

Sure enough, there I was, preaching in the pulpit, and it got very hot. Now as it happens, preaching in the pulpit in the middle of my sermon is not the ideal time to stop and remove one’s jacket. So I *ahem* sweated it out, so to speak. But I was prepared. And I did unbutton my jacket for the drive home.

These flashes, they come, they go. Suddenly. That’s probably why they’re called “flashes.” I sometimes wish other things in life would just appear — or disappear — like that.

If Don were here, he’d rib me about this. I wouldn’t mind. At least the flashes are keeping me warm at night.

Excuse me – it just got really hot in here. Or is it just me?

That’s all I’ve got. That’s my mite.


2 thoughts on “Hot Flashes!

  1. Thanks for writing about this. I’m a fellow sufferer. I keep thinking there must be a cure, but no, just another thing to live through. I get fewer migraines now than when I was younger and I hope you will, too.


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