Restlessness

Yesterday, in particular, I noticed that I was having a hard time concentrating on my tasks at hand at work. I was fidgety and anxious to move on to the next thing I needed to be doing. All day long. This is not really a great way for a minister to be – since a big part of the job of a minister is to be present. I was having a hard time being present.  Well, that happens sometimes.

So I’ve been considering my restlessness. It’s this thin time – this in-between time. I’ve been restless during most of the major transitions in my life. Probably all of them – I just don’t like absolutes much. I probably need the restlessness. I guess it’s my way of dealing with the discomfort.  Even with changes that are welcomed and wanted, there is some discomfort.

Here I am, done with my degree, about to be done with my internship, and in the process of looking for a church (and just a few weeks ago I didn’t think I was going to be looking for a church at all). I’m about to go on a big trip (I expect I’ll write about that later). Lots of changes. No wonder I’m antsy.

While I was in school, everything was regimented. I knew what I had to read. I knew what I had to write. I knew when things were due. I don’t have those deadlines now. Now most of my deadlines are self-imposed. I’m reading things just because I want to read them. I really enjoyed The Casual Vacancy and The Cuckoo’s Calling, by the way. I hope I settle down soon, though.

I feel a bit like the dog who has to walk around and around in a circle before lying down. Sooner or later, everything will be just right, and I’ll be able to lie down. And after all this restless moving about, I’ll be ready for a nap.

That’s it. That’s my mite.

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