Just about a month ago I wrote about being ready to not be so lonely anymore (Lonely Hearts). So I bravely jumped right in by dipping a toe in the water. Now, the thing about being in ministry is that I can’t exactly meet men in church. That is to say, I can’t date men whom I meet in church. I mean, I could date them if I met them in another church, but when do I get to go to another church? I met Don in church. In the choir, actually.
So, I went online. SCARY. But I did it. I put myself out there. I put pictures of myself on a website. And then another website, because I decided that there were things I didn’t like so much about the first website. But maybe I did. Do I sound ambivalent? Yes, well. So where was I? Oh yes. I put pictures of myself on a website. I wrote things about myself. I answered questions about myself and about what I’m looking for in a man.
Here’s what I’ve discovered so far. I like getting some attention, and at the same time it’s scary. But just a little scary. More like startling. Like when a baby startles herself with her own hands startling.
Also, plenty of men look at my profile, but hardly any want to start communications. I’m fairly certain that my profession is like a big “KEEP OFF” sign to would-be dates. Alas. I have since removed my profession from my profile. It’s blank now.
I’ve had a couple of dates, and, even though that didn’t work out, I’ve discovered that I’m completely fine with that. Once upon a time, I would have been very broken up. But I’m not 25 years old anymore, and I don’t require that kind of external validation.
I do want to find a relationship eventually. I was happily married, and I’d like to have another happy relationship. But I’m not all freaked out about someone rejecting me the way I was in my teens and twenties. I mean, it happens. And then there’s that whole thing where I was the one who ended most of the relationships I was in, in my younger days, so…well, sometimes, the shoe is on the other foot.
It’s nice to know that there are some men out there who think that I’m attractive, at least at a superficial level, and perhaps at a deeper level, too. It’s comforting to know that, as I face parish ministry, I might not have to do this thing alone. I might actually be able to have someone at my side. I guess I’ll eventually have to tell a date what I do for a living…
That’s all I’ve got. That’s my mite.