Dear Leaders of Other Countries,
I am not an elected official of the United States. I am merely a citizen of the United States, which means that, statistically, I’m more likely to have voted on American Idol than in the last midterm election (although, for the record, I did vote in the last election).
Since you’re the leader of a nation, you are probably well-aware of how governments work and how our government is structured. Even so, I’d like to take my cue from the 47 Republican Senators, and be completely condescending to you right now and explain how our government works.
In this country, currently, corporations are people. That means that money talks, and that’s pretty much all most of the politicians care about. So there’s a lot of political grand-standing, even to the point of obstructing our own national best interest. For example, 47 Senators might choose to write a letter to a foreign leader jeopardizing delicate international negotiations that are really none of their concern.
You should know that I, personally, don’t care what these Senators do. They might be in office for life, but they really only speak for themselves. However, if I have the opportunity, I will certainly do whatever I can to vote for more responsible politicians who know anything at all about…well, anything. Of course, I’m one of like, six people in the U.S. who vote, and I’m not a corporation, so I don’t know how successful that’s going to be. But I live in hope.
Anyway, I’d be happy to open up diplomatic relations with you, but I’m not an idiot, and I know that as a private citizen, I have absolutely no standing to do that. So it’s probably best if you just stick to interactions with our executive branch.
The Mite-y Widow.